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Monday, April 17th, 2006

Time:11:00 am.
Mood: cranky.
“Passion makes the world goe round. Love just makes it a safer place” – Ice T

“You know it is love when all you want is the person to be happy, even if you are not apart of their happiness.” Julia Roberts

“All you need I love. But a little chocolate now and then does not hurt” Charles M. Schulz

“Love is the hardest habit to break and the most difficult to satisfy.” Drew Barrymore
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, April 13th, 2006

Subject:Under contruction, be prepared to stop
Time:8:41 am.
Mood: frustrated.
The road to live is always under construction. I thought of this on my way to Charleston yesterday when there were miles of construction zones. I was in such a good mood on the way down and esp on the way home because it was soooo beautiful out and I had my windows down, my sun roof open. It was awesome. It makes putting up w/ugly weather, for moments like this. Plus, Liz burnt me 4 new CDs so I had ample time to listen and appreciate all of them thoroughly. Which reminds me, I seen a quote yesterday and I loved it. I did not write it down so I will try to recite the gist. It is not the goal to see through another person, but to see another person through. I wish I could make that saying hold true for my job but more and more, I lose faith that I am really helping anybody. Any of my “success” stories, have blown up in my face. It is really frustrating. Urgh, my kids will NOT stop getting in trouble. That is it, I am not having kids and/or teenagers. I am going to adopt a 47 yr old. Ha ha. That sounds like a hella good plan. Alright, well I am done rambling for now. Until next time.
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Monday, April 3rd, 2006

Subject:It is time !!!!
Time:9:23 am.
Mood: optimistic.
"Wide Open Spaces"

Who doesn't know what I'm talking about
Who's never left home, who's never struck out
To find a dream and a life of their own
A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone

Many precede and many will follow
A young girl's dream no longer hollow
It takes the shape of a place out west
But what it holds for her, she hasn't yet guessed

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

She traveled this road as a child
Wide eyed and grinning, she never tired
But now she won't be coming back with the rest
If these are life's lessons, she'll take this test

[Repeat Chorus]
She knows the high stakes

As her folks drive away, her dad yells, "Check the oil!"
Mom stares out the window and says, "I'm leaving my girl"
She said, "It didn't seem like that long ago"
When she stood there and let her own folks know

[Repeat Chorus]
She knows the highest stakes
She knows the highest stakes
She knows the highest stakes
She knows the highest stakes
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006

Subject:crap crap and more crap
Time:1:39 pm.
Mood: nervous.
What a freaking day! I am sad, nervous and I am very inadequate at my job. Awesome. Yall have a great day :)
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Monday, March 27th, 2006

Subject:skinny little bitch
Time:2:14 pm.
Mood: chipper.
I am starting to see why skinny little bitchs are in fact little bitches. I have being "dieting/exercising". And even though I am not starving myself, just not eating as much. I have noticed that I usually have a constant, kinda hunger feeling. Fine, I can deal with that. But I have also noticed my fuse of frustration is shorter, Yes even shorter from before. Maybe one is not linked to the other but if so, I can definitely see why skinny people could be little bitchs. Ha ha. This could be the reason that strangers tell me that they feel bad for my boyfriend. Sweet!!
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Wednesday, March 15th, 2006

Subject:Just a thought...
Time:8:03 am.
Mood: awake.
We are past the years of writing on the back of school pictures and paragraphs of sentiment on yearbook pages. Now it is wedding cards and baby showers. People questioned our friendships then and now. We don't try to paint a picture of a "best friends" that still stay in contact. We are real. We have had our fights, our fun, our drunken nights which led to mornings of laughter. We are made up of more then just "remember whens" , we are made up of the promises of tomorrow. Each of us have things that make up our lives that complete our existence. Friends and family outside of our "core" but that makes it even better. We don't try to claim that we don't have our times where we may not talk as much or when there is a long time before visits. We are real. Each one of us has a heart string connected to the other. You would not find two of us the same. But you would not have found us the same without each other. Growing up with the love/support of one another, we grew into our own unique selfs. I would throw myself in front of a train for any of these girls. We have watched each other fall into love, fall out of love, seen the crys and the smiles. And no matter what, we always ended up by each others side. Maybe I am crazy or talking out of context. These girls will forever be apart of my life. They will be the ones with me at weddings, funerals, at the hospital when babies are sick or when new babies are born. They are my family. We may not be 110 years old yet but for alot of years we have stayed true and every passing day we get stronger. My heart hurts at the thought of all of us being all over the map but I will continue to keep hope. Because no matter what there will be away to keep contact and stay close either through email, letters, cards or myspace for goodness sake. Friendships that are important are worth taking the extra effort to let them know that you care and that you are there for them. Between work, marriages, babies and such these are the real times that it is important to have friends that you can trust and count on to be there for you. Maybe I shoudl like a dreamer or a corny cheese head but hey it was just a thought. <3
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Tuesday, February 21st, 2006

Time:4:07 pm.
Hello to all, I found out today I am going to have a nephew and his name is going to be Brandon Michael McCarthy. I am pumped. Anyway- I hope to have a stinking computer asap at my house so I can update this and myspace more often. Other then that, I am sick to death of my job and I think I may have a breakdown sooner then later. :) That is about it. Love ya
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Friday, January 6th, 2006

Subject:Awesome !!!
Time:8:36 am.
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Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td></table></center>
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Tuesday, October 25th, 2005

Time:11:04 am.
Mood: sad.
P.J. Catlett
January 21, 1981- October 26,1999

It will be six years tomorrow
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Subject:that felt good to get those things off my chest :)
Time:10:59 am.
Mood: weird.
1) List ten things you want to say to people but know you never will. (they don't have to be on your friends list)
2) Don't say who they are.
3) never discuss it again

1) You are living a lie and it is sad. Your family is never going to know the real you.
2) I wonder if you ever think about what you did and if it fucks with you as much as it does to me every day of my life? Thanks for that!!
3) Hi, I want to do your man, Thanks :)
4) Dentists are cool, I swear, get your grill fixed.
5) Everybody knows that you lie, and nobody believes you. You know that right?
6) Um.. I was wondering if you kinda sorta maybe liked me a little bit  ?
7) You know what, you are just too cool for me and you urk me. Ya know, I never believed that you would be like this but you are and I don’t think I really even care.
8) You are lost in your own little world of torment and please don’t think that you are doing me any favors by keeping me in the loop of that mess.
9) Are you really happy? Because I don’t think you are, but that is just me.
10) I let you make me feel sad and I can’t stand it.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, October 4th, 2005

Subject:Chemical Imbalance
Time:3:56 pm.
Mood: indescribable.
I think that there is a chemical reaction in my brain that kicks in, so when I am sad it overcompensates and makes me act like a nutball. That has to be it!! I am so torn right now. I want to have Roy back. I want to be us again. And now, I can not have him. I can not stand this. I have broken his love for me and now he doesn't want anyone esp. me. He is just not that in to me I guess. See there I go again making jokes.

2 days till I can go to Salem :) :) Yay !!!! Love you, Love
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Thursday, September 29th, 2005

Subject:Did out what you want, they say??? OL ok that sounds easy
Time:4:10 pm.
Mood: sad.
Urgh uh grumble grumble that is what I have felt the last two days. I mean for the love of god. I have done fucked up again. I sit here and ponder and ponder and fight with myself. I am sick about it. I completely just cut roy off about 12 days ago. I just avoided his phone calls, didn't answer his texts and then he eventually said Fuck off. Which granted, I deserve that. Well now low and behold, he is going to be in town all of a sudden. He supposedly has a family emergency that I don't know what is going on either. Damn it. I hate myself. Why did I do this and just act like he didn't matter. One second I got it all figured and know that I want to be with him forever and do that whole life thing, the next not so much. I am sorry I am not trying to be funny I am really going nuts. my head hurts
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Thursday, September 22nd, 2005

Time:6:05 am.
Mood: working.
I got my six feet under soundtracks in the mail yesterday and I am in love.. Does any of y'all watch it? Other then that I must report that I have some serious mood swing disorder and probably some ADHD but whatev. I am hopefully soon going to have a computer at my house. Does anybody have a cheap/semi-new monitor that they would like to sell me? must work now. *hugs*
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Thursday, September 15th, 2005

Subject:Good Times
Time:10:50 am.
Mood: thankful.
Last night was really nice and for a minute it felt like the good ol'days. I went to DJ's to eat w/Bran and Liz. Well come to find out, Jen, Manda, Bran, Jess, Chels and Liz were all meeting. It is just crazy because back in the day we would all been together at least every other day and now it is such a rare thing. But we are going to try to make it a monthly thing from now on. Yay. I esp want to get everyone together for the Nov. bdays ( Liz, Jen, Manda, Nikki) But it was sweet because when we were leaving there were these older ladies that stopped me and asked if we all went to school together. She said that is nice that y'all still get together. Then she pointed to the two woman that she was with and said that they went to school together and they still make it a point to get together every once in awhile. It was sweet. I don't doubt the the "clique" will never "lose touch" but it does really get harder to "lets hang out". Ya know. Ok now I am just rambling. To all those I know and love *hugs*

21 DAYS !!!!!!!!!
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Monday, September 12th, 2005

Subject:Another day, another dollar
Time:9:49 am.
Mood: sick.
I went to the Brooke County Fair this weekend (yea, cuz I am cool) Anyway- the 4-H had this even cow patty bingo. Are you kidding me. I thought it was freakin hilarious and a half. Anyway- esp. these days have been weird somehow. My roommate is in love and she is all caught up in the game. I am very extremely happy for her but at the same time I feel like she is being cold to us. Like, weird or something. I don't know if it is just me or not. Anyway- I am reading a book She's Come Undone. I love it. I am almost done, but Jamie Lee you need to read it so we can discuss it. by the way 25 days away Yeppie! I want to go on but i am at work.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, August 25th, 2005

Subject:Smile, it could be worse
Time:3:28 pm.
Mood: busy.
"Stand Back Up"

Go ahead and take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
I'm laid out on the floor, but I've been here before,
I may stumble, yeah I might fall,
Only human aren't we all?
I might lose my way, but hear me when i say,

I will stand back up,
Youll know just the moment when ive have enough,
Sometimes im afraid, and i dont feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up,

I've been beaten up and bruised,
I've been kicked right off my shoes,
Been down on my knees more times than youd believe,
When the darkness tries to get me,
Theres a light that just wont let me,
It might take my pride, and my tears may fill my eyes,
But I'll stand back up,

I've weathered all these stroms,
But i just turn them into wind, so i can fly,
What dont kill you makes you stronger,
When I take my last breath,
Thats when I'll just give up,

So, go ahead to take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
You might win this round but you cant keep me down,

'Cause I'll stand back up,
And you'll know just the moment when ive had enough,
Sometimes im afraid and I dont feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up,

Youll know just the moment when ive had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid and I dont feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:11:57 am.
Mood: crazy.
On Tuesday my mother's cleaners caught on fire. The building has to be torn down. My mom has worked there for almost 25 years now and her life has been completely turned upside down. It is madness. I don't know what is going to happen, where my mom is going to work plus my dad is having issues w/his work. My cousin is now in the court system and may be going to jail (worst case scenario). All of this is killing me. It seems like everyone around me has some kind of chaos going on in their life. I don't know. I know that everything will be alright but this just sucks. I do not deal w/these types of things well, it’s like mentally I can't handle these things. I really think that I need a counselor or some kind of professional to tell me that I am crazy and give me something to help. I don't want to live off of drugs but maybe something to take the edge off and help me focus. Urgh. I am a nut job. I would be afraid that they would be like; stop bitching there is nothing wrong go away. i must go
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, July 19th, 2005

Subject:I usually don't take the time to do these but ol well
Time:6:58 pm.
About you...
Height5' 4 ish
Hair Colorblonde/brown kinda
Eye Colorblue/green
Right Now...
WearingMingo shirt w/shorts
Music playingCommerical
Thinkingabout corn on the cob
Last thing you...
Watched on TVClean Sweep is on now
Club, bar, or house partybar/house party
High achiever or easy goingmiddle of the road
Cats or dogsDogs but for some reason I have a cat all of a sudden
Single or takenha Single
Pen or pencilPen
Gloves or mittensgloves
Food or candyCandy
Coke or PepsiCoke
Matches or lighterLighter (what kind of question is that)
Beach or mountainsBeach
FoodBreakfast food period
DrinkGotta do the Dew
Songat the moment... Walking on Sunshine haha
MovieOne of them... Untamed Heart
TV showSix Feet Under
Radio StationI have to listen to a bunch
Movie you watched at homeAlfie (acutually it was at Shawn's house)
Movie you watched at the theaterLongest Yard
Person you called on the phoneTwiz
Thing you had to drinkDew
Thing you ateCorn on the cob at the moment
Time you criedLast week
Time you smiledmoments ago
Time you laughedmoments ago
Do you
Smokeof course
Do drugsum.. not really
Drinklike a champ
Sleep with stuffed animalsYep
Have a boyfriendha
Have a recurring dreamyes, usually scary ones
Believe in life on other planetsdunno, if so I hope they are in better shape then we are
Read the newspaperyes
Have any gay or lesbian friendsyes
Believe in miraclesOf course
Consider yourself tolerant of othersWell, I have my moments
Sing in the showerHeck yea
Kiss with your eyes closedyep
Take walks in the rainnot really
Like sarcasmIs there any other way to be?
Trust others easilydepends
Believe in ghostswell I don't know
Like your handwritingsometimes
Wish on starsof course
Have any piercingsyep
Have any tattoosyep
Go to or plan to go to collegegot er done
Have any petsyes, my new kitty Mogu
Have any secretswhy what have you heard?
Believe in astrologyof course
Go to churchi drive past one everyday, I am sorry that was not funny
Talk to strangers who instant message youprobably

Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, July 18th, 2005

Subject:roller coaster
Time:9:58 am.
Mood: okay.
My kitten is the cutest thing ever. I will hopefully learn how to take care of her :)

I have a had a eventful fun-filled summer thus far. I am extremely happy that I was able to hang out w/Jamie. I love her to death and I think that we had a great time. I miss her so much :( NOTE TO SELF: I have to get to Boston asap!!!!

gotta go back to work.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, July 1st, 2005

Subject:Is the year half gone, or is there still half a year to go?
Time:2:49 pm.
Mood: irritated.
Hello to all, its been awhile. Since the last post that I made Liz and I have lived in our house since Feb. Things have been good. People have said that living together will ruin Liz and I and all I have to say is "um... no but thanks for that". I don't know if Liz hates it or not but in the end I know that we will always and forever be great.
Last weekend me and my grandpa was in a quad wreck and it was a very close call. That situation basically scared the bgeezes out of me. I would think that it would make me all nice and happy that I was alive and didn't go over the cliff. But instead I have been extremely edgy and sad. I don't understand. I am just so sick of not feeling "normal" like I just want to feel good and I just don't.
Work is actually driving me crazy too. Working w/the human race is just nonsense. I mean sometimes I just want to smack da beotchs in their face. Its like listen your life is not that bad, let the bullshit go and quit being petty. Quickly I have seen how people get burnt out hella quit. I think sometimes that people misunderstand Social Work for Miracle Work. Its quite possible that I am in the wrong field. Because I, for one, do not feel that people deserve anything just because. I mean there are people out there that say "you need to do this, you need to give me that, you need, you need..." Well guess what "you need to get you ass out and get a job and take care of your damn self and protect your kids. Your kids did not ask to be born to nucking idiots that don't nucking care about them. But who pays for it the kids. The kids are the ones that are removed from their home and everything that they know because of their PARENTs that just "can't" get off the drugs/alcohol or get off their damn backs. Then the kids are left w/the rest of theirs lives to convince themselfs that they are not the ones that was at fault. Even though I don't work w/child protective services everyday. I see my juveniles that only act the way they were taught, allowed to do. And now the parents are like "fix them". URgh.... damn I am ready for the weekend. I am ready to listen to country music and drink a few cold ones. Sorry to go off a rant for a minute there. Good day !
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